Cross to Bear

Trigger Warning

This piece includes themes of depression. Please proceed with care.

Lyrics

Cross to Bear

I don’t know when the gray
Started seepin’ in the room
Or when this house we built
Started feelin’ like a tomb
It ain’t nothin’ that you did
Baby, your heart is true and gold
But there’s a winter in my bones
That just won’t let go of the cold
I look for a reason
But the reason isn’t there
Just a shadow in the corner
And a heavy, stale air

     Oh
     The more I know
     The less I feel
     The devil tells a lie
     That starts to sound real
     So please let me go
     Save yourself the prayer
     This ain’t your fault, darlin’
     It’s just my cross to bear

I ain’t slept in days
But I ain’t really been awake
I’m watchin’ you try to give
Love I don’t know how to take
I wanna go down to the river
And let the water wash me clean
But the mud on my soul
Is the thickest you’ve ever seen
I’m still the man you married
Somewhere underneath this rust
But I’m fightin’ a war inside
And we’re chokin’ on the dust

     Well
     The more I know
     The less I feel
     The devil tells a lie
     That starts to sound real
     So please let me go
     Save yourself the prayer
     This ain’t your fault, darlin’
     It’s just my cross to bear

If I get quiet
Don’t mistake it for peace
I’m just countin’ the demons
That refuse to leave
You deserve a sunrise
Not this endless shade I cast
You can’t heal the future
When I’m buried in the past

I wake up tired of wakin’
Tired of puttin’ on the boots
Whatever grows in this garden
Has got poison in the roots
I trace your name on the sheet
While you’re sleepin’ sound
I’m a heavy wooden anchor
Draggin’ both of us down
And even an angel gets tired
Of holdin’ up a ghost
And hurtin’ the one you love
Is what hurts the most

     Yeah
     The more I know
     The less I feel
     The devil tells a lie
     That starts to sound real
     So please let me go
     There’s nothing left to repair
     It ain’t your weight to carry
     It’s my cross to bear.

Copyright

Songwriter Note

I am a songwriter and a musician, but I'm not confident that I have the voice that's needed to inhabit these verses.

My hope is that these words eventually find an artist and storyteller to help me breathe life into them. If that collaboration never comes, I may record them myself rather than let them settle into silence.

Until then, they remain as they were born: quiet reflections on the grit, grace, and shadows just north of the county line.