Dispatches¶

Lyrics

Cross to Bear

I don’t know when the gray
Started seepin’ in the room
Or when this house we built
Started feelin’ like a tomb
It ain’t nothin’ that you did
Baby, your heart is true and gold
But there’s a winter in my bones
That just won’t let go of the cold
I look for a reason
But the reason isn’t there
Just a shadow in the corner
And a heavy, stale air

     Oh
     The more I know
     The less I feel
     The devil tells a lie
     That starts to sound real
     So please let me go
     Save yourself the prayer
     This ain’t your fault, darlin’
     It’s just my cross to bear

I ain’t slept in days
But I ain’t really been awake
I’m watchin’ you try to give
Love I don’t know how to take
I wanna go down to the river
And let the water wash me clean
But the mud on my soul
Is the thickest you’ve ever seen
I’m still the man you married
Somewhere underneath this rust
But I’m fightin’ a war inside
And we’re chokin’ on the dust

     Well
     The more I know
     The less I feel
     The devil tells a lie
     That starts to sound real
     So please let me go
     Save yourself the prayer
     This ain’t your fault, darlin’
     It’s just my cross to bear

If I get quiet
Don’t mistake it for peace
I’m just countin’ the demons
That refuse to leave
You deserve a sunrise
Not this endless shade I cast
You can’t heal the future
When I’m buried in the past

I wake up tired of wakin’
Tired of puttin’ on the boots
Whatever grows in this garden
Has got poison in the roots
I trace your name on the sheet
While you’re sleepin’ sound
I’m a heavy wooden anchor
Draggin’ both of us down
And even an angel gets tired
Of holdin’ up a ghost
And hurtin’ the one you love
Is what hurts the most

     Yeah
     The more I know
     The less I feel
     The devil tells a lie
     That starts to sound real
     So please let me go
     There’s nothing left to repair
     It ain’t your weight to carry
     It’s my cross to bear.

Writer: J. Ryan Johnson (BMI)
Copyright: © 2025 J. Ryan Johnson. All rights reserved.
Phone: +1 (407) 902-5419
Email: hello [at] tenthirtyam [dot] org

Lyrics

Don't Spin It in Reverse

When the needle drops down on an old 45
It stirs up memories I’ve been keepin inside
An old man says, “Spin it the other way ’round,
You’ll get back everything you lost in this damn town.”
The room starts laughing, but I stay still
Watching that record turn until
The crackle ain’t static, it’s boots in the hall
The ice in my whiskey’s a fist through the wall

     They all want another chance somehow
     I don’t need one now

     Let the sad song play till the last note’s gone
     Leave what’s buried where it’s been this long
     That old Ford can rust where the fence rows curve
     That hound can sleep where the red dirt serves
     She can stay where the years have laid her
     Mercy’s a hard thing to come by, neighbor
     I paid too much for the life I’ve earned
     Don’t spin it in reverse

If the groove ran backward, I’d wake in the rain
Three miles from town with ’shine in my veins
Back in a house where the windows shook
Reading tomorrow in one hard look
Coffee gone cold on a chipped-up plate
That screen door snapped like a heart would break
She paid in hurt, and I paid in shame
Nobody wins in that kinda game

     Repeat Chorus

Funny what folks’ll wish back home
A truck, a dog, a girl they’ve known
But every mile between then and now
Cost more than I could tell you how
The past we lost wasn’t meant to stay
It let us go so we could live today

     So let the sad song play till the last note’s gone
     Leave what’s buried where it’s been this long
     That old Ford can rust where the fence rows curve
     That hound can sleep where the red dirt serves
     You can have the miracle if that’s what you’re after
     I’ve finally learned the sound of laughter
     I paid too much for the life I’ve earned
     Don’t spin it in reverse
     Yeah, don’t spin it in reverse

Writer: J. Ryan Johnson (BMI)
Copyright: © 2026 J. Ryan Johnson. All rights reserved.
Phone: +1 (407) 902-5419
Email: hello [at] tenthirtyam [dot] org

Lyrics

Oh, Adeline

We walked where the sycamores shade the old track
With a heavy gray sky riding low on our backs
She talked of a ticket, I spoke of the land
How the past is a shackle folks won’t understand
The river ran quiet, the moon low and thin
I swore to my Savior I’d bring her back in

     Oh, Adeline
     The river took your breath away
     Oh, Adeline
     There’s a price that I’ll pay
     The slate is slick, the water’s black
     And there’s no trail to lead us back
     Poor Adeline
     I’ve crossed that heavy, dark line

One step on the edge where the slate turned to slick
The air went to static, the silence turned thick
The ground gave a shudder and gave to the stream
A crack in the night, a tear in a dream
I shouted her name to the heavy black air
But the river was hungry and she wasn’t there

     Repeat Chorus

The law found a shoe in the mud by the bend
Said my story starts ragged and won’t find an end
I tell ’em I loved her, I swear that I stayed
I show ’em the river, the bed that it made
But late in the night when the house settles low
I hear that dark water and know what I know

If guilt is a mountain, I’m lost on the peak
If sin is a language, it’s all that I speak
Don’t call it murder, that’s a label, a lie
Call it a moment that simply passed by
I never pushed her, I made no demand
I just didn’t tighten the grip of my hand

     Repeat Chorus

Writer: J. Ryan Johnson (BMI)
Copyright: © 2026 J. Ryan Johnson. All rights reserved.
Phone: +1 (407) 902-5419
Email: hello [at] tenthirtyam [dot] org

Lyrics

For It All

The radiator’s humming
The lights are turned down low
I’m leaning on the counter
Watching headlights on the road
There’s a pair of my boots
And the mail I haven’t read
By their faded crayon drawings
Hanging on by a thread
I’m pacing in my mind
They’re sleeping down the hall
I’m carrying this weight in silence
Knowing I’ve hit a wall

     I don’t say it
     I just carry it around
     Like the dirt in the floorboards
     And the rain that won’t come down
     I love them more than living
     But some days I disappear
     Struggling to be the man they need
     Still looking for me here

She asks me if I’m tired
I say, “Baby, I’m alright”
But there’s tired in my body
And there’s tired in this fight
There's a kind that comes from working
Another comes from fear
Of the monsters at my doorway
That I won't let get too near
But I can’t always stop my temper
I don’t always hold my tongue
And I pray they don't just remember
All the times I’ve come undone

     Repeat Chorus

I don’t cry where they can see me
I never fall apart in the light
I just hug them in the doorway
And I make it through the night
I hope they know I love them
When my hands and heart are tired
But underneath the man they need
There’s another child inside

     Repeat Chorus

But when the house gets quiet
And I’m standing in this hall
I listen to them dreaming
And thank God for it all

Writer: J. Ryan Johnson (BMI)
Copyright: © 2026 J. Ryan Johnson. All rights reserved.
Phone: +1 (407) 902-5419
Email: hello [at] tenthirtyam [dot] org

Lyrics

Farmer's Daughter

Sun’s dippin’ down like a fishing lure
Cruisin’ in the country where the air is pure
I’m pulling up slow in a beat-up Ford
She’s hoppin’ in saying, “Thank the Lord!”
She’s got those cutoffs on and a tan-line smile
Saying, “Hey baby, let’s drive a while…”
Don’t need a map, don’t need a plan
Just a touch of her hand and the night just began

The preacher’s still talkin’ ‘bout the promised land
But I got a little piece of it holdin’ my hand
Yeah we’re lockin’ it in, we’re shiftin’ it down
Leavin’ the lights of this sleepy-eyed town

     Seminole Wind over muddy water
     Ridin’ with a Wild One, the farmer’s daughter
     Under that big bright Neon Moon
     Blasting Chattahoochee to a backbeat boom
     Friends in Low Places raising ’em high
     Baby Likes to Rock It shaking the sky
     Young, dumb, a little Dust On the Bottle
     Time Marches On, no throttle

Check the rearview, yeah the dust is high
Like a Georgia storm in the July sky
She’s got her boots on the dash, singin’ every word
Prettiest harmony I ever heard
We’re crankin’ up the radio, yeah we’re ready to go
Taking it fast while we’re living it slow
Ain’t nothing changed since ’94
‘cept the speakers hit a little bit more

The preacher’s still talking ‘bout the promised land
But I got a little piece of it on her left hand
Yeah we’re lockin’ it in, we’re shiftin’ it down
Still the talk of this sleepy-eyed town

     Repeat Chorus

We killed the engine by the riverside
Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide
She’s tasting sweeter than muscadine wine
Yeah, I’m gonna love her for a long, long time
Radio hummin’ low, holdin’ us tight
She’s leanin’ on me, feels so right
Yeah, the static is fuzzy, but the feeling is clear
It’s always a Friday night when we’re out here

     Repeat Chorus

Writer: J. Ryan Johnson (BMI)
Copyright: © 2026 J. Ryan Johnson. All rights reserved.
Phone: +1 (407) 902-5419
Email: hello [at] tenthirtyam [dot] org